the icu is draining me. it sucks, and then it sucks again to see myself getting weak, pining away, shriveling up... struggling. i don't have any perspective on it and i can't harp on the same shit. now that i've eaten, after a literally 13min run, i feel a bit calmer, enough to tell myself: there's a lesson here, as there is always a lesson, and the best ones are the ones you can't see at first, or even for a good long fucking while.